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Multiplicity1
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Weight History
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12 November 2010
Help! I am so stressed and so scared and I turned to sugar to cope which never works. I talked myself out of a piece of carrot cake for my 22nd wedding Anniversary dinner but then I ended up eating 1/2 a Ding D-ong on the way home from the basketball game we saw tonight. The sugar was sickening and I managed to talk myself out of eating the second half. I asked my husband to throw it in our dumpster so I wouldn't rescue it out of our personal trash can. I am so stressed and so scared about my husband's health. I told him yesterday that I might have to go back to the mental hospital over it. Six months with my husband sick every day and no diagnosis. I can't stand it any more. I feel like screaming and crying and breaking things. I can't figure out how to reduce the pressure I feel every day. I can't take it anymore. I need some relief. I need my husband to feel better. I need him to be able to get some medication to help him feel better. We need to know what is wrong. This no diagnosis stuff is making me crazy. He has been so strong going to work sick every day for months. Yesterday he finally had to take off because he was so dizzy and he started talking about going on disability. I feel terrified about what will happen to him, to us, to our finances. Every day I have to see my husband suffer and that is horrible. I can't take it anymore. I just can't take it. Something has to give.
(5 comments)
11 November 2010
I had a dream last night that I was eating large bowls of tons of tortilla chips. I was so relieved when I woke up and it wasn't true. I did however eat a chip and a half at Chili's last night and I am wondering today why did I do that? My husband was eating some chips and I think I was angry at him for that and envious that he was eating them and I told myself I wouldn't have to eat the chips if I ate just one. But then I ate another one. A chip and a half isn't a binge but every time I eat anything I shouldn't or don't eat all I should on plan I am taking a big risk that I will fall back into my addiction and I might not ever be able to get back out. I have spent 55+ years in my addiction and only the past 9 months trying to recover from it. It is so easy to fall back into my old habits and patterns of eating and I think that was what my dream was warning me about. I still am struggling daily to stay on track with my food. Every decision to eat the wrong thing makes it easier to choose the wrong things the next time. So what I am going to do today is make a vow on this site to eat all my veggies for today and to stay at 35 grams of carbs or less for the day. I only have to worry about one minute at a time - one day at a time. I don't have to worry about how I will do this tomorrow yet - I just have to get through today. And I will post all my food today.
I didn't manage to get my living room clean yet. I will work on it today when my puppy is busy or napping. I guess I should go fix breakfast now and get on my buddies journals. Today will be a great day on Atkins.
(1 comment)
08 November 2010
I'm doing much better with my food. Tomorrow I am going out to lunch but it is supposed to be a restaurant that has some choices I can eat. I weighed in yesterday at 181.5. I hope to be in the 170's by next week. This morning I realized I've lost so much weight in my chest that I need to buy a new bra. It dawned on me that I might actually be able to hook one in the back again. At my largest I could only wear front hooking bras because I couldn't reach past the fat to unhook my bra. So now I am in a more normal size and I can do something that normal women take for granted and hook my bra in the back.
We made one of my new recipes the other night - a spinach cheesemelt and it was really good. I need to make one of my vegetable recipes maybe tomorrow. I walked 45 minutes last night but didn't walk tonight because my husband had a doctor's appt and my daughter had a college class. Tomorrow night we take our puppy for her first grooming appt at Petsmart. She will be washed, have her nails clipped and her ears cleaned. Hopefully it won't be too traumatic for her.
I have to get my living room straightened up so I can move my doggie corral to do my exercises. I'll try to get that done tomorrow night and start my exercises by Thursday night. I guess I'll go and say hello to my buddies now.
(2 comments)
07 November 2010
Weight:
Lost so far:
Still to go:
Diet followed:
82.3 kg
33.3 kg
23.4 kg
Reasonably Well
(2 comments)
Losing 1.0 kg a Week
06 November 2010
I have been struggling for the last month. I realized the other day at an AA meeting that it is in large part due to my attitude. I have been feeling sorry for myself because I have to stay on this restricted carb diet. I was feeling powerless and victimized. I felt angry that I had to work so hard to be healthy when others can eat whatever they want. I realized at the meeting which was about how attitude can affect us was that I wasn't a victim. I have total control and choice over what I eat every day and every moment. I chose to go on this food plan and I planned to stay on it for life. I put my whole heart in to this WOE. No one made me do it. I chose it. And I still wish to choose it. I choose health, I choose to feel good, I choose to be healed from diabetes, I choose to be able to be active, I choose to live a longer life. And I also choose to accept the fact that I have a food addiction - I am addicted to carbs and sugar. It does me no good to be angry at my addiction - it is an illness just as my diabetes was. The only thing that helps is to accept my addiction and to face it head on. I don't have to like it but I do have to accept it. Every time I eat something I will work to remember that my WOE is always my choice. I can choose to eat the wrong foods but I will face the consequences if I do that.
Fighting an addiction is a challenge - it requires real ongoing change on many levels. I was ready to make the easy changes but I balked at making the more difficult ones. So I am facing a choice now. Am I going to go back to my addiction or am I going to accept that I have to make real changes to accept it? For today I am going to choose my WOE.
(6 comments)
Multiplicity1's Weight History
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