kmartdollie's Journal

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15 December 2012

I was extremely busy today. I went shopping, made dinner, put up groceries, went to the gym, walked the dog. I did 30 minutes of elliptical and ran 4 miles plus abs today at the gym. Come January 1st, I have to run 4.25 miles when I run. I think if I run 3 times a week that is pretty good. I will take a FIERCE cardio/strength class tomorrow, and I will have exercised 6 days this week. Really, if you count 30 minutes of dog walking a day, I will have exercised 7 days. That feels really good. I used to NEVER exercise. I wouldn't even walk for 30 minutes - hell, I wouldn't even walk 15 minutes! Now I run 4 miles. It takes me 58 minutes. Every time I get on that treadmill, I tell myself it's okay if I give up early. But I always manage to push myself to 2.0 miles, which is the halfway point, and once I get past that, the rest is fairly easy. I made some sugar free brownies last night - and no, I did not eat the whole pan in my sleep. I ate a couple, then I put the rest in plastic bags for single servings and I froze them. I know if I really wanted to chow out, I would just eat them. Even when they are frozen, brownies are so oily that you can eat them. The whole point of this exercise is that it makes it more work for me to eat a brownie. If I just left the pan out on the top of the stove, I would be picking at it all day. I would take a little here and a little there, and eventually I would have ate the equivalent of a whole other brownie with just my picking at it, a brownine that I wouldn't feel compelled to log. So I can't have a pan of sugar free brownies staring me in the face. I feel like if I bag them up, and keep them in the freezer, that I'll be better able to manage eating them healthfully.

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14 December 2012

I actually took a whole day off of exercising except for walking the dog for 30 minutes. I plan to go to the gym tomorrow and run, and on Sunday take a FIERCE class. I haven't taken sleep meds for 5 days now, and have been able to go to sleep okay, so that makes me feel better. The less medication I'm on the better right now. I made a pan of sugar free brownies - let's see if I don't eat them in my sleep tonight like I did last time! I couldn't believe about the Connecticut shooting today - I didn't find out until about 3pm. It really saddens me and shocks me.

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13 December 2012

I went to the gym today and did some elliptical and ran 4 miles. I am so attached to the treadmill. I soooo do not want to run on the track. I think that I should just run 60 minutes on the treadmill, and stop it and reset it and get back on for the rest of my mileage. I don't know what else to do. I am addicted to the constant feedback the treadmill gives you. How much time has passed, how much time to go, how fast you are running, how many calories you have burned, how far you have run. I NEED that information all the time, where I am in my running so far. I am not going to feel bad that the treadmill is the way I prefer to run. It felt great running 4 miles. I got on, and once I get past the first 10 minutes, it gets easier. My ankles were fine, I wasn't hurting, but I wanted to poop out after 2 miles. Then I told myself that once I got to 2 miles, that would be halfway, and I would probably want to just go ahead and run the whole thing. So I did. I got some sugar free candy today as a treat, and I am hoping it helps me. I have some TMI issues that could really use the effects of malitol, which is in the candy. I had a great time eating the sugar free candy, don't get me wrong, so I am hoping that it works out for me. If I do well tonight, today will be day 6 of doing well with food. I had to weigh in today, because I weighed in on the new scale at the gym, and I weighed 173. I actually weigh a pound less than when I saw my doctor on 11/28/12. So that's good. I can't wait for the 160's. Can't wait. I did someting ambitious - I ordered the very black bikini I have been wanting from Victoria's Secret. Whenever I picture myself in a bikini, I always imagine it's black. So I got exactly what I wanted and it's on it's way. Now I just have to buckle down and lose the weight. I have 3 pairs of size 8 pants to get into, and a couple of pink bikinis and now this black bikini. I don't want to accumulate any more size 8 clothes until I actually get there, but I think it's helpful to have "motivators" in your closet. When I first started dieting, I had a size 12 pair of jeans that I couldn't even button laying in my closet. I finally got in those 12's, and it took a long time. I still have them and wear them sometimes. Just because I'm a size 10 doesn't mean I don't still wear a 12 if it's not falling off of me. Those 12 jeans were very helpful to me. It was interesting to try them on every once in a while. At first I could only button them. Then I could both zip and button them, but my muffin top was out of control. Finally I could get into them and they were the exact right size. That was an incredible feeling, and I want to repeat that with my bikinis and size 8 jeans.

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12 December 2012

I had a big "country" breakfast today. It was a country breakfast to ME. I had a mushroom and cheese omelet with eggbeaters, three pieces of turkey bacon and two pieces of toast with sugar free jelly. It was soooo good. I never indulge myself like that at breakfast. I don't know why. It was 477 calories, which isn't bad. I never actually cook anything for breakfast usually - I eat yogurt with berries, or I eat an Atkins bar and an apple. Sometimes when I am being particularly lax, I will eat a sugar free brownie for breakfast. It felt really good to get up and do it, and I had it ready by 6:45am. I then fell back asleep for 2 hours, and then I got up and got to the gym and took 2 classes back to back - 30 minutes of core, 45 minutes of cardio/weight training. Then I got back home and took care of some business and walked the dog. It's 3pm and I have accomplished all of this. I was feeling my stomach today and it feels smaller. I don't know why, I probably haven't lost any weight, but it feels flatter. I actually have EXCELLENT ab muscles at this point. I have been doing abs for 6 months. Trouble is, my spare tire sits on top of those muscles and it is so daunting. I really have belly fat, and even though my muscles are in shape from crunches and classes and whatnot, I still am soft around the middle. Today is the 5th day ( God willing) that I have stayed within my RDI. I am really hoping I have crossed a barrier and I can continue to do this and continue on with my weight loss. Thankfully I am so active that I haven't gained any weight, but I really, really want to lose again. I want to get to a size 8 earlyish in the new 2013 year. I'd love to be a size 8 by March 2013. That would be incredible. So I've got my work cut out for me. I actually keep trying on my 2 bikinis all the time, because I want so badly to wear a bikini next summer. I don't care if I am still a bit fleshy and juicy, but if I were one size smaller, an 8, with a toned stomach, I would be perfectly comfortable in a bikini.

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11 December 2012

I went to the gym with ambition tonight and I just couldn't do it tonight. I ran 4 miles and did elliptical and abs yesterday, and so I thought oh, I'll just go and do elliptical and run a mile. When I got on the elliptical machine, boy, did I feel what I did yesterday. It was like climbing up stairs made of taffy. I just barely finished 30 minutes on the thing. Then I said to myself, "Self, it is just not your night." So I got in my car and left. Tomorrow I plan on taking an intensive hour and fifteen minute combo of classes. I walked the dog earlier in the day for 30 minutes, so with the elliptical that's 60 minutes of moving my body. That's enough for me. I think it's important for me to remember that I need rest days with my exercise. I want to do well so badly, but it's important that I don't get injured, or maybe even worse, get burnt out and stop altogether. It's hard for me to reconcile myself to the fact that I am not 20 anymore, and running 4 miles a day at 40 isn't probably a good idea.

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