kmartdollie's Journal

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16 January 2013

I am really proud of myself since I went back to the gym after having not worked out for a week and a half due to a hip injury. I ran 2 miles instead of 1, and that felt really good. I also did the elliptical for half an hour. I am probably going to go to bed soon, and I don't think I will overeat. Had a really good day.

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15 January 2013

Well today is day two of being back on track. I went a little over, but just a hair over 1300 calories is definitely an improvement. I still haven't been able to string 10 days together without overeating. I had to go on a business trip across the state for training, and I spent 5 hours in my car today. I was good and I brought two healthy snacks - hummus and carrots, and an apple and string cheese. Those are like my go-to snacks and I am running out of enthusiasm to eat them. But I had my snacks. The trainer at the meeting suggested I go to a salad bar place for lunch, and I was psyched. So her directions were crap and I ended up driving around in circles for half an hour. I finally gave up and had a McDonald's salad - not bad for the bacon ranch. I was pissed I gave up half my lunch hour because this girl could not give decent directions. The thing about the meeting was this - directly behind me, on a table, were a dozen glazed donuts, a bag of pretzels and a box of Cheez-Its. The donut didn't really tempt me, because being diabetic you're like no effin' WAY could I eat a glazed donut. Donuts are the work of Satan. But the pretzels and the Cheez-Its, I had to fight the temptation to have some all day. I probably could have handled a small serving carb wise, but all my calories were budgeted for the day and I wasn't about to blow my RDI to eat pretzels or Cheez-Its - really nothing spectacular. Still, the temptation to snack on these salty snacks was there all day long. Coming back to my town on the Turnpike, I was at a truck stop and marvelling at all the sketchy snack options. They had yogurt covered pretzels - my absolute favorite. The label said they were healthy. Yeah right! Also the truck stop had like 10 different varieties of nuts - cashews, pistachios, peanuts, all in salt roast or honey roast, neither of which is very good. Well suffice to say - after having woken up at 4:30am to drive 2 and a half hours to my training, I came back home, ate a salad for dinner, went grocery shopping and came home and put up the groceries, cooked some chicken, and took a bath. Now I'm sitting here in my jammies as I type this. My hip has not hurt at all today. I am so glad. I am going to try to run on it tomorrow night. I think I will just shoot for one mile and work my way up from that.

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14 January 2013

I did okay today. I have to drive across the state tomorrow for work. I already have my snacks packed. I really want to be in control again. I have to admit that one of my comments really hit me in my tender ego, but I will admit that I need some of that right now. I realize that I just can't have some things in the house. I can't have cake or brownies in the house. I literally cannot handle a pan of them staring me in the face. For some reason, I can handle packaged Atkins brownies and prepacked sugar free pudding. I don't know why - maybe it's psychologically the individual portion. I guarantee that you could look back at my diet calendar and not see a day where I ate two Atkins brownies. But you could see quite a few where I ate more than one serving of "regular" sugar free brownies. You also could look at my diet calendar and probably not see a day where I ate more than 2 sugar free puddings. Again, a mystery as to why I don't overeat on those, but so far I haven't. Hopefully I will be able to go back to the gym on Wednesday. I can't wait to run again. I am nervous that I will hurt myself again, but I am also worried that if I don't get to it soon, my fitness level will go down and I won't be as easily able to run. So I am targeting Wednesday. Thank you all for your kind words, your kicks in the bum, and your support.

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14 January 2013

I am so disgusted with myself and disgusted with food. I have had pretty much 4 days of bingeing - two real days of bingeing and two days leading up to it. I don't know what to do. Every day I wake up and say that I'm not going over my RDI, and every day I do. At least yesterday, I went over but it wasn't as bad as Saturday. I don't know why I feel the need to binge. Actually, I do. I feel really deprived and really hungry. I need to get used to being hungry, I guess, but it's so hard. I don't want to gain back all the weight that I have lost. And I still can't get in the gym because of my hip injury. I am really going to try this week to be better. There's something about a Monday that feels brand new and soothing.

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10 January 2013

Hip is hurting today. It felt fine this morning, then I went out on a call with a very obese coworker. She kept dropping things on the floor and I kept retrieving them, because I figured it was easier for me to get down that low. I strained my hip again. Really pissed off. I am so worried that I won't be as fit when I feel better about my hip enough to go back to the gym. I am worried I won't be able to run my 4 miles. I am worried that I will get comfortable going to the gym and then just stop going. Like I always do. I am doing pretty good with food the last 4 days. I am just worried that I am not going to lose any more weight. I have been walking the dog every day, I figure some gentle exercise will loosen my hip up. I've been taking ibuprofen, but it's the generic kind from the SuperCenter. I have this thing about ibuprofen - I feel like I have to have the brand name Advil stuff. I really believe Advil works better than generic ibuprofen. Call me INSANE. I can't help but feel that. Advil is unfortunately 18 bucks for the big bottle. So I bought the cheap stuff. It doesn't work as well. It just doesn't! Maybe I'll go get some of the real deal.

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