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janice1960
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05 May 2010
(See www.waterfromrock.blogspot.com to see 1 1/2 pieces of Toast, sugarfree bread, real butter.)
Toast: The Other Half.
I am beginning. Again. But this time I am beginning with one goal, and that is to be healthy. I want to do my best to be there for my kids and grandkids. I had given up. After devoting years and years to fitness, and getting Lupus in spite of all that exercise and healthy eating, I got angry and gave up all together. It hurt my pride to begin to limp when I walked, and to pant for air; it hurt my pride to lose control of my body because I had worked so hard for so many years to control it.
Being the extremist that I am (trying to change) I threw in the towel, angrily and only after soaking it with the hot, angry tears of a person betrayed.
I just spent a couple of days at the Heart Hospital in Sometown. I wasn't there because of a problem with my weight. I was there because Lupus is creating all sorts of problems in my life. Lupus is a very tricky beast.
Weight loss is a tricky beast as well. At least it has been me, a former anorexic/bulimic. But the trick was a mind game, not a flesh and bone fact. It was a whole slough of emotions all stirred up by fear and anger.
But a heart is a heart is a heart. Lupus may be the underlying cause of my visit to the Heart-Hotel, but my visit there gave me time to think; I had time to reflect on things and to pray. Upon leaving I have decided that giving this physical fitness thing another try, Lupus or no Lupus. This time I am going to put my heart into it. I will try to leave my pride where it is, where it belongs, in the trash bin.
So today, I begin. Again.
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