Jamaica4god's Journal

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30 March 2011

Accountability: "the obligation to bear the consequences for failure to perform as expected"

Personal accountability: when I stop allowing things to "happen" to me and become accountable for my actions as well as accepting their consequences.

How does this apply to weight loss? This has everything to do with weight loss.

The people on this website can help support you in encouraging words, but they can not hold you accountable for your actions and decisions regarding food and exercise. They can not hold your hand and tell you no when you go to reach for that piece of cake.

If you do not have a personal trainer or a strong family support system that can help you stay on the straight and narrow, you have to be able to rely on your own sense of accountability to stay on course.

The first key to having personal accountability is to stop lying to yourself. Yes that handful of chips did make a difference, yes that one cup cake at the birthday party did make a difference and yes the decision to sleep in an extra hour this morning did make a difference, so when you weigh in week after week and the number is the same or you haven't lost that much, be accountable to your own actions and understand that yes, you made choices. They may not necessarily have been bad choices, but they do have effects, and if you don't like the effect, learn from it and make a conscious effort next time to make a different choice.

I like one of the FS member's signature saying that there is no cheating, only choices. She has a lot of wisdom. Guilt will not move you forward. Get rid of the guilt and make a conscious effort to make a different decision next time.

This is very much me preaching to myself. Last night we had Amy's birthday party, and I made the conscious decision to eat pizza, soda and a cup cake and while I did not gain, I did not see the desired result this morning. So, I will be accountable and recognize that I enjoyed her party, my decision to eat unhealthy food led to the consequence of the same number on the scale, and I will move on and make a better decision today. It is not the scales fault, it is not water weight, I made the decision, and now I will live with it and move on.

Going to have a blessed day!!
=)

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29 March 2011

Restarted the supplements today!! Whoohoo!! Hopefully that will get my muscles back on track and I can jump start the exercise part of this in the next few weeks.

It's so funny, the supplements I take for the mitochondrial disorder are the same that most body builders take for muscle energy for major workouts... Creatine, Coenzyme Q10, and L-Carnitine. So when I order it, or go somewhere to get it, it's always funny to imagine what people are thinking: What in the world is this short fat chick doing with creatine?? Cuz it's pretty obvious that I am not a body builder! hahahahaha

But they really helped last time I had a major deterioration. The COQ10 helps the mitochondria convert stored sugars to energy and the L-Carnitine helps break down fats to be used for energy.

I maintained eating healthy for the most part. I had to cut back on meats and replace it with nutella and egg whites for protein because it's kind of hard to swallow right now, but I did not revert back to my old habits! Last time I relied heavily on instant oatmeal or grits because it was easy to swallow. I did have to cut back on the salad some. I am picking through the bag to find the "softest" leaves (I get the Butter blend from Fresh Express, it is fabulous!!). It seems that before I could eat any leaf and now I can feel the odd shaped ones or the crispy ones get caught in my throat. But, as long as I pick the least crispy ones and have a little moisture from the Raspberry vinaigrette, I have been able to keep eating those! Yay.

My jeans are to big!! Yay! It feels so good.

And.... drum roll please.... The pair of Bitten jeans (Sarah Jessica Parker line), that I have been saving because I bought them and they never fit, can now be buttoned!! Hooray! They are still to snug for comfortable wear, but I am so close I can taste it!!

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27 March 2011

I decided today to create a new Body Bugg program. You see you can't change the goal weight like on here, or the amount you want to lose per week for that matter, unless you create a new program. It outlines new calorie burn goals for the day and new intake goals and a new end date for your final goal.

With this recent deterioration, everything is slowing down, being my weight loss and my muscles. Haha.
Sometimes I feel like a granny! =)

It's ok, I have come to accept this, I remember from the last time I had a deterioration how it progressed, and then how it improved, and I am much quicker this time to accept it and move on. Last time I went through all the typical grief stages. I was angry, I was sad, I was in denial, I did it all. Not in that order mind you. I had so much more to lose then. I had to drop classes at school and only take online courses and I was forced to resign from work, and my dreams of being a nurse practitioner had just slowed down as much as I had.

But that's ok, I know there are more important things in life than all of that, and I will take it in stride this time. I will do what I can do and go from there whether the muscles get better or worse. =)

Anyway, sorry, I got a bit offtrack...

Back to the Body Bugg......
I realized that I am not going to meet my goal set originally because when I set it I was physically able to work out a couple of hours for at least 5-6 days a week, and I was doing fabulous at it... But right now I can't do that, and I don't really want to have a reason to feel like a failure, so I just reset my goals a bit. I set it up for 1 pound a week and the goal date to be in October. I set my calories burned at 2000 because with the muscle weakness I don't burn nearly as much, even when I do exercise (which is mostly arm stuff and slow walking right now). So I figure if I set my sights a little lower then the accomplishments won't be so bitter sweet. =)

I am praying that my swallowing trouble doesn't affect my healthy eating. It's hard to swallow meats, and even this morning I was having trouble swallowing the usual egg whites with laughing cow cheese and tomato on flatbread. Doesn't sound like it would be hard to swallow, and it wasn't until recently...

Anyway, so I will take it a day at a time and I will not give up on losing this weight. I will just have to spend some time doing it slower and rely less on exercise than I had been before.

Want to hear something crazy: with this mito my body holds on to just about everything I eat. I even read an article of a medical study done on mice with mitochondrial disease that said that their bodies went into a sort of starvation mode because it wasn't getting the energy necessary from the mitochondria. So we'll see how to balance the eating. That's ok, I'm in it for the long haul.

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24 March 2011

Ok, so happy I didn't like get all excited and get my hopes super high about this appointment. They were great doctors, but I know how these things go. If there is nothing blaring them in the face right away it is lets do labs and if they come back normal, well, we don't know. I was kind of hoping the experience of this neurologist (that I used to work under) would instill some curiosity and a desire to really dig deep to figure out the name of whatever this mito disease is. But that was an illusion. Good thing I decided ahead of time not to become disillusioned.

Oh man, I still have an exam to take tonight... Blah.

But, in good news, my girls and I fixed cupcakes for my 6 year old's birthday and I have absolutely no desire to even taste them. =) Movin' on up!

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24 March 2011

Appointment day today. All my nerves were for today, but I have my hope and faith in God, so if she offers little to us, I will accept that and move on.

At least I had a new number on the scale this morning!! Woohoo!! I'm just praying it's actual fat loss and not muscle loss because my muscles have gotten so weak and last night was the first night in quite a while that I was up all night with horrific muscle pain in my legs, which is usually a sign of muscle damage, but can sometimes happen if I just over-do it or don't eat enough.

My doc, in her email, reassured me that my weight loss efforts will not hurt my already weak muscles or mess around with this disease, but I'm not so sure that is true. There are a lot of mitochondrial disease specialists that suggest you don't do all this because any loss of energy can damage muscles, nerves and brain. Grrr. Just one more question for the individual who puts a name to the ugly face of this disease.

I guess my concern over muscle loss instead of fat loss is that in the pictures my husband took, there is not a great deal of difference in the fatty areas of my body. SOme areas are smaller like my face and neck, but that's pretty much it, so I am concerned where the 33 pounds I have lost altogether is coming from.

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