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jammie
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Weight History
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20 November 2007
I always check my computer stuff first thing in the am to get my day started off on the way to the gym which I go to 5 days a week before the rest of the world (well except the crazy 25 or so of us at the gym) sees the light of day - about 5 am! I love this quiet time of the day. I get to see the sun come up. No kids to bug me. No traffic to deal with and if I didn't go now - I wouldn't go! In any event, yesterday was not a good day, but today is a new one. A specialist in the area emailed me back. She sounds kind and I am going to make an appointment for after Thanksgiving. All of my family - 20+ of us will be getting together here in upstate NY - yeah no travel!I am excited for this, but not at the prospect of havning to be around so much tempting food. I love to cook, but now have a hard time with it and have been assigned several foods- thank goodness healthy, but preparing large quantities, none the less. A challenge, no doubt.Here's to crisp Fall mornings and a wonderful day for all..........
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19 November 2007
Not a great weekend. Spent most of it depressed and thinking about/eating food. I have emailed a local ED specialist. Hopefully that is a step in the right direction. I surely cannot do this on my own and just don't have the support of family. "Noone" would understand. Yesterday I threw out the trigger food. I haven't done that before, so I think that was good. But everything time I move a step ahead, I seem to move at least one back, so I can't get too excited about these things. There is so much underlying, no doubt, that probably no matter how many of these concrete practical steps I take, nothing will work until I get to the root. I guess it just helps to "vent". Guess that's why this site and journaling/blogging is so popular. Off to the gym I go. I'm so tired.............
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16 November 2007
I did not "Blog" the last few days, because I was not "Good". Tuesday and Wednesday I spent the days binging. Healthy, as usual, but wrong, none the less. Sad faces on the calender. Didn't feel much like writing when I was so Off the mark. The scale doesn't show gains, because I make up for it with exercise and as I say, my binges are fruits and vegis along with local sugarfree/fat free deserts and my favorite plain popcorn so I can endlessly munch. Not sure where/when this cycle will end. I really need to get some more help. The nutritionist, although kind, was not really helfpful. Most of what she said was common knowledge and what I alrady know and should be doing. I just can't wrap my mind around it all and get ahold of it. For that I'm certain I need psychological help for. My marriage and home life with kids is stressful on a daily basis to say the least. Most everyone's is, but I think mine at a slightly higher level and obviously my coping mechanisms are not good ones. It's Friday and I'm off for my early morning workout. I will take my dad out to lunch for his Birthday and have a baby shower to go to. Neither of which I am worried about my eating. It's when I am home here at the house, when it is at it's worst and I feel like I will burst if I am not eating something at all times, hungry or not. Hopefully the weekend will hold good things in store and I can stay busy enough not to have to deal with this 24/7.
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13 November 2007
Early Tues am and I am off to the gym soon. Had a banana to fill the void till breakfast or......getting the "Binge" feeling. Kids/hubby goin back to work and school today. I'll be here able to eat in private. Havne't done so in almost a week. Don't know if I'll be able to "control" I guess it will be a wait and see. UGH ;(
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12 November 2007
Monday Morning - a brand new week. Today feels like a "Feel good day." It's my son's birthday. Of course I'm already thinking ahead of how I am NOT going to overindulge. We let the kids pick their favorite restaurant to go to on their birthday. Or have mom cook - they always choose the restaurant! He chose the Chinese buffet. Zero to almost no choices to eat healthy/lowfat there. There is a salad bar, but skimpy and not so fresh. I will have to make do and refrain from my favorite - General Tsaos. I just have to remember the mantra I go by - nothing tastes as good as thin looks. In the present moment, I'm not always sure that is the case. Tonight we will have family over for cake and icecream. I went to the store this am and bought myself a 100 calorie brownie to have at that time. Hopefully that will keep me in check and all the cake will be gone by evenings end. In any event, I ate several apples already this am, but no popcorn - 4 days and counting! I am proud of that. I have to stay away from that - my binge - food, at all cost. I have already been to the gym this am and did an extra 1/2 hour on the arc trainer, knowing I might need it. Sometimes that is not always the best thing to do. I tend to give myself licence to overeat and more than what I probably burn off. You can never tell how much you do anyway on those machines. The numbers don't seem to "Jibe".
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jammie's Weight History
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