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I would love to say I thought about it once, and made my decision – and the rest just naturally followed. But that’s not really the truth. I think about it a lot. What I want to choose for myself.
Will I choose healthy foods ??? I think this when I enter the grocery store.
Do I really want to get in the car and drive to the store to buy something that isn’t in the house, but is relentlessly attacking my mind in a craving??? I think this sometimes.
Do I have a protein included in this snack? Or meal?? I think this a lot.
I’m pretty sure at this rate, I will be thinking about these choices for a long time to come.
But you know what I don’t think that much about clothes sizes anymore. Just happy, and comfortable where I am – and willing to work this slowly to reach my ultimate goals. If I ever get there… great. If not, then my body is happy and healthy where it is.
I do still think too much about the number. My actual weight – while it’s good to know so I don’t let it climb… it’s not good to be overly obsessed over it, for me. I actually ‘try’ hard not to think about that so much.
I try to enjoy what I wear, appreciate my body for it’s efforts, be kind to myself as a reward for sticking with things… the occasional pedicure always makes it somehow seem to easy!!!
What do I want out of all of this, that I haven’t already gotten? And why am I so hung up on these last 5-10 lbs. ?? Good questions.
And why have I not moved on from this site and out into the world to just live in my new self??? - Well, being home everyday – with kids grown and leaving by the numbers…and a elderly sick Mother – I spend a lot of my time lonely for others to communicate with. Built such nice friendships here – that I don’t want to let go of. And I have such a heart to help others do what I have done, and get where I have gotten… cause I know how hard it is. I know the desperation someone feels to figure this thing out for their own unique body… and the willingness… but the craziness when it isn’t working!
Anyway – all good questions! Just sitting and doing some thinking today!
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 Comments
Paula -thinking is the first step to action. If you would not think you can't act, and mindless action is probably what got us were we started off here in the first place. We need to think over what we eat, every day , again and again since our natural feeling for what is good for us somehow got lost. And it is so important. That you don't think about your clothes size that often - hey, it's not that important, that goes hand in hand with thinking about food. ///As why you are so hung up with the last few pounds - of course, you want to reach your goal. I think I mentioned it before, it might be possible that you don't achieve it, no matter what you try just to have this goal still in your life. The mind plays a lot of tricks on our body that we are not aware of. I don't mean to say that you never will reach it, I am sure you are working hard on it and when the time is right your body will give in. A stony path to go but we will be on your side, comfort you when you are down and cheer you when there is success.///It is a good thing to have you around, great to hear what you have to say, makes me, and I am sure others too, thinking :-)*big hug*
10 Feb 12 by member: Jozette99
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Great that you try to enjoy your body and appreciate it. You have worked hard to get it and now want to look after it. Hope your mom is improving x
10 Feb 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
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thanks for the hugs and love. Mom is doing ok today. Still watching and waiting to see if this medicine she is on works. Hubby and son are in PA today at the college he is interviewing with. And daughter and I are going DRESS shopping AGAIN... as the spot did not come out of the skirt...so the last 'option' is no longer an option ! What fun!!!
10 Feb 12 by member: jsfantome
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No, Hope its a Christian College called Messiah. Ranked #5 by US World Reports for the small/mid range Regional Northeast Schools. Liberal Arts - like most of them, but he would still major in Engineering. He has always attended Christian schools, very active in his youth group, and spent summers as a Missionary. The other 6 schools he applied to are 'regular' non-Christian/just 'regular' colleges. This one just adds the element of a faith based community of likeminded people.
10 Feb 12 by member: jsfantome
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See! This is why it's good for us that you are still on this site instead of moving on. I appreciate your journals. You always have something to say that is worth reflecting upon. I'll take your topics away and worry them over for a few days before I journal what I've learned about myself. I think that mindfulness is not usually a bad thing. Thinking about what we eat is great as long as we are not going overboard or trying to force it on others. So- thank you for staying with it to support us virtual friends. You're a great teacher and motivator.
10 Feb 12 by member: just.keep.swimming
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Hey jsfantome i think that was a really good journal and agree that you shouldn't get hung upon the numbers you are what you are who is to say that someone in a size 10 is healthy. I know what you mean about feeling lonely i have 2 children and a hubby who i love the bones off of them all but my little lady is now 11 and growing up so fast, my little man is now t part time nursery and starts full time school in september he will be 4 in may (this i found strange as i was at home with him full time unil last september) and my hubby works very hard and is not normally home until about 7.30/8.00pm in the evening we never seem to get any quality time together anymore. My family are a good 3 hours away it would be so nice just to pop in for a brew and a chat sometimes. Anyway kep smiling you are doing great, have a good weekend :0)
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Have just looked at your profile picture, what a beautiful smile you have.
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thanks jo - seems so many years ago when I was home w/ little ones. And yes, it is very similiar. Used to talk my hubby's ears off when he walked in the door! Then while the kids were in school I did work out of the house 'mother's hours' til the youngest was about in upper grade school. Then full time madness set in... and I am actually happy to NOT be doing that anymore. Too stressful! And never saw my family, and rarely had time for a 'life'. So even though I do sometimes get a bit blue being home all day w/ my mom, and feeling as though because of her illness - I don't really have anyone to talk to... it's FAR BETTER than what I used to be doing! Need to find some interesting things to keep me busy. Right now searching for a dress for my daughter's upcoming wedding, and planning her bridal shower - has been top priority!!! Busy, Busy!!
11 Feb 12 by member: jsfantome
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Paula, I'm glad you are comfortable with where you are at, right now, and look forward to the day that I can say the same. I'm sure that I'm not the only one who is appreciative of you sticking around to offer encouragement and support to those of us who are still on that long road to where you are. We'll get there too, and like you, will stick around to keep supporting those, who are starting or in the middle, of that same journey, with all it's bumps, and detours, but still the ultimate goal, of reaching a lasting success. Thanks, and keep the support coming, we'll be sure to pay it forward, and everyone will win. :-)
11 Feb 12 by member: ShyGuy
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A wedding to look forward to how fantastic, how long before the big day?
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jsfantome's Weight History
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