tweetledee's Journal, 09 Sep 22

a few months ago I stopped posted on here because I felt attacked. I came here and was posting about how I felt about my body, my relationship and how he made me feel. I was distraught. He's always been supportive but would make fat girl comments about others never me. He couldn't understand why it bothered me he wasn't talking about me, he'd say. I'm an overthinker, I have horrible anxiety and I have ptsd and rape trauma. and thanks to my my ex husband which was after all of this I feel not good enough and have body image issues. all of this my man knows. understands... eh not so much. I stated a few months ago that I hated my body even more since I lost weight because everything is just hanging and I'm very self conscious about it and sometimes his comments about other people just hurt and I just can't do this anymore. I was thinking about ending it. there was other things going on too. this one woman on here through all this her only comment was about me hating my body about that being very telling. I was like excuse me? she then explains how it was my fault that he was doing it because I don't like my money was giving him permission to do it. I was offended she said that. well I'm happy to say me and him have worked our problems out and he never realized how badly I took his words to heart. how badly they hurt me. he actually cried when we really talked about it cause he never ment to hurt me and felt bad. He said he's just stupid sometimes. our problem is our communication. since then he's learned to understand me so much better and it's helped me come to terms with alot. So no my body issues was not giving him permission. some of you that don't understand what it's like to have these issues please keep negative comments like that to yourself. it was hurtful. and way off the mark. it caused pain and anger for no reason. when one of us comes on here for support give support not judgment. this is supposed to be our safe place. it was mine until her comments. I don't. eed a man to love myself. But he's showing me how. and that's ok. sometimes we have been through so much we forget how. and that's what has happened to me. I was mom, daughter. wife, aunt, gf, sister. I stopped being me after the rape. I need to learn how to be just me and live that person droopy skin and all. He's helping me do that. He just never knew how messed up I was inside until we really talked. please don't judge others on here. we need each other. we need understanding and support. not judgment and harsh words.