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Ugh, I'm trying to wait until we got to my grandma's today to really eat anything. I know that if I eat anything before then, and then I eat when I get there I'll just feel guilty and either not eat any dinner or throw up anything that I do eat. This sucks that I have to do this, but it's just what I can do so far. I've been drinking tons of water and snacking on some edible grass to keep busy.
I've started purging again. 5 times within 3 days...yeah, I know. I did it once on Thursday(I think) night and I just felt...complete. It felt like I was doing the right thing. But, if I do it once, I'll do it for the next few days...a nearly uncontrollable habit, I guess. It's hard to describe. I suppose it's like I'm a kid stealing an extra cookie from the cookie jar. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I don't care. The feeling I get from it makes me feel good. Also, the fact that I won't d much actual exercising until Monday just intensifies these feelings. -sigh- I have my first real counseling appointment May 10th at 1:15. I really hope that I can get through this even though part of me doesn't want to...says I'm weak for eating and not getting rid of the food.
Anyway,I'm going to try and fill up on fruit and veggies at lunch...and not dessert. I'm also going to try to move around and stand up as much as I can and do whatever I can to help setting up and in the kitchen. I got a package of Reese's Pieces as part of my basket today...as well as some sauces, a bunny cookie cutter, and some mini carrot-shaped containers :) So, I may have a few pieces of candy here and there...
It's also pouring rain and thundering here...preeeety dreary for Easter. I guess this means that the egg hunt for my siblings is off :/ Oh, well. 2 1/2 hours to go....
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923 kcal
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Fat: 16.88g | Prot: 43.42g | Carbs: 162.41g.
Breakfast: Giant Pixy Stix, calorie free dip, baby carrots, cheerios, Chocolate Milk Mix, funyuns. Lunch: grapes, strawberries, yellow cake, roll, sweet potato, carrots, broccoli, edamame. Dinner: sriracha chili sauce, chili powder, healthy life bun, nutritional yeast, pintos and cheese. Snacks/Other: cornflakes, sugar free jam with fiber, whey soy protein powder, Jellybeans, granny smith. more...
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1915 kcal
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Exercise:
Shopping - 35 minutes, Housework - 5 minutes, Walking (slow) - 3/kph - 15 minutes, Walking (moderate) - 5/kph - 10 minutes, Sitting - 5 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 7 hours, Resting - 10 hours, Standing - 25 minutes. more...
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