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So... my last post here was 206 days ago. Right now, I am feeling really ashamed that I have done nothing but tear myself down during that time. I am currently at my highest weight, EVER. My everything hurts right now...from my feet to my head, everything. I am convinced that nothing but losing this weight will make it better.
My doctor has recommended bariatric surgery. She knows my struggle...but surgery? With a BMI of 54, I am super morbidly obese so I have registered for an informational session, it's tomorrow. Over the last several weeks I have gone from feeling like I have finally found a solution, to being scared sh*tless at the thought of going under the knife.
At this point, all I know for sure is I have to lose this weight. I have to get healthy, and I don't want to continue to live in shame. I know that as impossible as it feels right now, I can't stop trying. I know that these are the cards I have been dealt and it is a life long battle, this weight game, but I can't give up.
I honestly can't say if I am going to go through with surgery or not but I have made up in my mind that tomorrow, I am going to record my weight here, I am going to drink water, I am NOT going to drink Pepsi, I am going to eat the healthy alternatives I purposely went to the grocery store and bought yesterday, and I am going to try. One day at a time, I am going to try. That's all I got right now...
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 Comments
Don't beat yourself up. We've all made mistakes in regards to our food, or we wouldn't be here. I'll be rooting for you. :)
20 Jan 14 by member: Felonee
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Glad that you are back, good luck. :)
20 Jan 14 by member: cakebaker
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Welcome back. You can do this. The time will pass anyway. I believe you can do this without surgery. It is a lot of work, but you will have to put in that work whether you have surgery or not. Doctor's sometimes go for what is seen as quick fixes in my opinion. Whatever your choice is, you came back to the right place by starting to focus on logging your food, weight and journal.
20 Jan 14 by member: 2ManyCurves
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Be kind to yourself. It will be a lot of work with or without surgery and you are worth the work. You can do this.
20 Jan 14 by member: Joelmel
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Wow, I don't know what to say... it's been a rough six and a half months and I have felt really alone. I thank you all so very much for your kind words, I feel really encouraged right now. I can do this!
20 Jan 14 by member: johnelka
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Welcome back. I am new here. Had bariatric surgery 8 years ago. It is NOT a cure! It is a tool! I still need to lose 60+ lbs. Would I do it again? If everything was equal- yes! BUT, I would be better informed- there are new procedures that are effective and much less invasive. I have had lots of complications. However, losing over 100 lbs. totally changed my life.The biggest change? I had to face and deal with ( still dealing actually) with the life issues that made me fat in the first place! Whatever your choice is, it will be right for you. Just remember, your body is not the sum total of who you are.
20 Jan 14 by member: learning coach
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Glad you're back! You got this! One day at a time :)
27 Jan 14 by member: UK cats
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johnelka's Weight History
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