Shannon1743's Journal, 02 Sep 10

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This journey just keeps taking more and more twists and turns. I am starting to wonder if that saying "God only gives you what you can handle" is actually true? Part of me is feeling like enough is enough and I can't take one more crazy emotional minute or stressful day. On the other hand though, I am feeling stronger today. I decided yesterday that it was time to go to therapy. I am NOT a huge fan of therapy, not for myself anyway. I have always had the philosophy that my past just made me who I am and I am happy with my life, my family, etc. What I have been denying is that my past has shaped how I react to things and how I feel about things too. I lived a really traumatic childhood filled with domestic violence, alcholic parents, abuse, etc. and I have always been determined to make my life better and I have. I married an amazing man, have 3 beautiful kids, and overall a pretty damn good life. Yet, I still feel crappy inside... WTF? So I think I am at the point in my life where I am ready to take a giant leap and open the door to the past and clean that s**t out! Once and for all, face it, acknowledge its place in my PAST, and move beyond it. Admitting that I need someone to help me through this process is not easy for me.

Since finding this site and starting to lose weight again in July, the weight loss part has been pretty good (about 26 lbs down) and it has been fairly easy. I have been dealing with ALOT of stuff during this time but I haven't eaten over it. That is a huge deal for me as I am a bigtime emotional eater. Yesterday when I left the evaluation appointment for therapy, there is a Jack in the Box in the parking lot. For the first time since July, I actually had this very strong urge to drive through and stuff myself full of food. I had to really talk myself out of it and it was difficult. :( It kind of scared me to feel that feeling again as it has been dormant for a while now. I am glad I was able to win over the feeling but that was just the evaluation appointment. I am a little bit scared to see what feelings will be triggered when therapy actually begins...

For today though, I am optimistic.

View Diet Calendar, 02 September 2010:

1072 kcal

Fat: 22.39g | Prot: 72.05g | Carbs: 139.60g. Breakfast: Lite Vanilla Yogurt, Water (Bottled). Lunch: Plums, Water (Bottled), Herb Roasted Chicken. Dinner: Sweet Chili Pepper Sauce, Coke Zero, White Rice, Pot Sticker, Chicken Chow Mein, Mandarin Orange Chicken without Sauce. Snacks/Other: Extra Creamy Whipped Cream, Ready Crust - Graham, Cherry Pie Fillings (Low Calorie), Skinny Vanilla Latte (Venti), Multigrain Crackers, Oven Roasted Turkey Breast. more...

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Comments

I find that when you lose weight, it seems that you store emotions in your fat. As you lose weight, all those emotions come out. Your urge to go pig out was probably a defense mechanism to avoid dealing with those emotions. If you're having trouble with depression, you may be deficient in Folic Acid. You might try a Folic Acid supplement (they're not really expensive). That has helped me. Also keep up on eating leafy greens.

02 Sep 10 by member: Runesinger

Thank you Runesinger :) I am actually really low in alot of vitamins and iron too. (the one side effect that I have from the gastric bypass) I am thinking that has something to do with the low moods too. I will add Folic Acid though, thanks for the tip.

02 Sep 10 by member: Shannon1743

I think that is great that you were able to talk yourself out of the eat a-thon. Does your session end at a time when it is reasonable for you to be hungry or even a bit peckish? This is clearly going to be a hurdle for you many times over again. Delving in to your past is going to be a trigger and I think that is normal for nearly everyone on this site... Were it me I would consider bringing a snack in the car that is healthy.. just to recharge.. maybe an ounce of nuts or an apple. Cause you guys might get into some heavy stuff that might make your fight with Jack in the Box a little bit unfair.. so try and put the advantage back in your corner.. come prepared.. Good luck and fight the good fight sister!

02 Sep 10 by member: Ceebee

That is a good idea Ceebee... at least when I eat over the stress it won't cost me 1000's of calories!! It is going to be a challenge for sure...

02 Sep 10 by member: Shannon1743

Oh wow, I can so relate. Back in my years in therapy (somewhat similar issues to yours) I used to binge (or even binge and purge) after leaving. This is definitely something you should bring up with the therapist since he/she can make sure you're not completely distressed when you leave.

02 Sep 10 by member: suechru

Thank you Suechru... I soooo want to avoid that feeling. I hate it and it kind of scares me to feel it because I don't want to have it win. I will definately talk to the therapist about that when I first see him/her.

03 Sep 10 by member: Shannon1743


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Shannon1743's Journal, 02 Sep 10

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