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Today is Sunday and I'm behaving very very well - foodwise. Yesterday, I don't know, I just had that I don't really care today attitude. I didn't go crazy or anything, I didn't eat anything that wasn't in my fridge, that meaning, nothing that I wouldn't normally be putting together to eat. BUT, I ate more of whatever it was. I honestly can't remember right now. But I did buy some Low Cow ice cream bars that are supposed to be really low carb grams. I ate two though. Maybe I actually ate three, trying to remember. But then I read something about them AFTER the fact and the packaging isn't always telling us the truth. So that was, I guess, my biggest splurge.
I've been single for 10 years and I've been okay with that because I'm probably not an easy person to live with. I like things the way I like them and I don't like change. So, I've just thought I'm better off alone. But last night, whatever happened and I signed up on Plenty of Fish. I put my picture on there, I said I had "a few extra pounds" which is the only choice you get for being overweight. So I checked that. And today the new gardener was here and asking me why my husband didn't do the backyard. I told him there wasn't one and he went on and on about how attractive I am and I should have a husband. Um.....okee.
Meanwhile, on PoF, I'm inundated with messages from men who fine me attractive. I'm flattered but I'm overwhelmed. I've had a brain blockage for forever that I am not lovable, I am not good enough, I am not smart enough. I do thank my mother for instilling those negatives into my brain. My dad was the opposite, I was his princess. He told me much later in life that my mom was always jealous of me, the way I decorate my house(s), the way I dress, some of the dishes I cooked that he liked. And then she died and that's been 14 years ago and I still don't know how to process it. After she died my dad told me that when I was born, my mother said, "there ya got your girl, are ya happy?" Like leave her alone after that or something, IDK. But that rings in my head day in and day out.
I've had two failed marriages, many failed relationships, and I blame myself for all of them. I'm trying to climb out of this hole. I know I've been pretty my whole life, at 65 still don't look too bad, I've been told over and over but I've never felt pretty. I don't know if that makes sense really.
But anyway, I'm already talking to a guy from PoF. He sounds nice. He loves animals. He seems kind. He's my age, maybe a year older. It's just strange. I feel strange. Sorry for the long insecure ranting.
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1201 kcal
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Fat: 74.38g | Prot: 107.32g | Carbs: 23.98g.
Breakfast: Kroger Sharp Cheddar Shredded Cheese, Scrambled Egg, Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage Crumbles. Lunch: Keto Cheesy Zucchini Gratin Casserole, Ground Beef (90% Lean / 10% Fat, Patty, Cooked, Broiled). Snacks/Other: Kraft Natural Mozzarella String Cheese, Kroger 2% Cottage Cheese, Simple Truth Low Cow Lite Ice Cream Chocolate . more...
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