You have done quite well ... you are right to feel so positive!!! Sorry the holidays are such a challenge this year. Death is hard, even when expected. And the stress of family not getting along, is unfortunately something I am all too familiar with. Make new traditions this year ... celebrate all the wonderful blessings you have!!! And just let yourself miss your dad ... it is natural and it is a part of loving him!! Take care!! Oh ... so nice to see you are still here!!