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I'm Back!
So obviously I back slid quite a bit. I had gotten out of my depression by writing fanfiction, doing computer editing, and playing video games with friend. None of these activities have been very active.
At the same time mom has been making comments that inspired to eat more for comfort then less.
Then she went on vacation.
She no longer cooked and I came face to face with my lazyness during the stressful christmas season (selling chocolates busiest time) and my massage finals...perfering to go grab a Rodeo Cheaseburger and some tots from Burger King then attempt to cook. Just feeling so tired.
During the holidays I worked so much...and yet I would come in at 11pm and work till 6pm and not be given any break for lunch. More than once I poached chocolate from the case for lunch (usually the carmel ones).
You can see pudge sticking out from my work shirt. I feel weaker. I feel unhealthy. I feel ugly...so ugly I don't want to meet up with people who I am not already super friends with or anyone who hasn't seen me in a while or knew about my "wonderful succuess" with Weight watchers.
But I have seen myself in pictures and glass reflections and I am disgusted and shocked that that person is me.
So I am back. Not the heaviest I have ever been but it feels like it.
I am going on a date next week. I want more dates. I want to be strong and confident...and if this guy says "You're beuatiful" I want to believe him and not think he must be crazy or lying.
I want to be able to dress up in sexy clothes...and nerd out in all kinds of costumes at conventions.
I want to travel...to visit Japan and other countries and not have to worry if the airplane seatbelts will fit or if the natives are secretly pointing and calling me a fat American.
I no longer want to feel like the source of gossip for the family. Or feel like the ugly one in my group of friends.
I want to feel like a girl...and not a genderless thing to be made fun of.
I want to be strong, healthy, and sexy. The best me I can be...so I am back.
View Diet Calendar, 27 December 2008:
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740 kcal
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Fat: 3.88g | Prot: 26.27g | Carbs: 160.54g.
Breakfast: total cereal, Skim milk, orange juice. Lunch: orbit gum (Bubblemint flavor), water. more...
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