StumpsMom's Journal, 07 Sep 08

Oh wow. I am so sorry to hear that. Vent all you want! We're here to listen.  

it must be terribly frustrating for you. It's difficult to know what to say, but you know the history and hopefully your mom will get the message before its too late. Don't go for the chips, they wont help... just get out for walk or call a friend. 

What a shame that she went back. I wonder if your parents have been together for a very long time? Usually, familiarity breeds fear. If your mom has only known the life with your dad for the longest time, moving on to unfamiliar territory is hard. Also, if she has been a homemaker or not making enough on her own, that can also factor into her return. Not knowing how to survive financially is usually a main reason for returning to a twisted security that a lousy husband provides. I would try to support her in her actions but at the same time try to find out the weaknesses that made her return and try to remedy them. For example, if a lack of enough qualification means she cant get jobs to help her survive on her own, then maybe she could start taking courses to improve her skills and hire ability. Is living with you an option? Perhaps having you around will provide her with the safety net feeling she needs to stay away from him? Good luck with everything..its hard but with a supportive daughter like you, she will learn to become strong and stand on her own feet one day. 

SHe's lucky to have you. And please, do vent here all you want! Thee are many supportive people here and maybe someone has the advice you are looking for. We'll be keeping you and your mom in our prayers. 

She is an educated woman, who has been the president of a large, national corporation. She has made twice as much money as he....so that isn't it. My mom has, however, been married to him for 39 years and married him in the first place to get away from her father--never knowing that she was marrying the exact same person. It's a cliche but nonetheless true. I don't agree with her decision but will do my best to support her....we'll just have to wait and see how it goes I guess... 

an expert once told me that we prefer the known, that we have gotten comfortable with even if its bad, as to the unknown and awkward... some like your dear mom that had a "rough" father would feel right at home with a husband of the same type... uncomfortable with anything else. Its does make sense when you think about it, its not right..but it makes sense that we are afraid and uncomfortablre with the "unknown". I wish you all the best, and your mom too